Dear mum with the "difficult" child, you need to know this

Kinderling News & Features

Hey mama with the crazy kid doing crazy things.

I’m not here to judge you.

I’m not here to offer ‘advice’ on how to parent your little one, or suggest you tweak his diet or whatever.

You are the mum, not me!

But I am here to fist bump you, because I too have a ‘difficult child’.  We have a diagnosis, but I know not all kids come with an explanation. I also have another child who couldn’t be easier to raise. So I know what it’s like to walk in both pairs of parenting shoes – the easier one and the harder one.

And because of that, here are a few things I want you to know.

1. You are a GREAT mum

When you feel the burn of judgemental eyes while in public with your unruly child, or from friends and family who should know better – but don’t. I want you to remember something.

You are a damn good mum!

Damn good.

In fact, you might be even better than most. Because this ‘difficult’ child of yours who you have been gifted to love (and what a gift!) has made you some kind of supermum.

You have had to tap into an inner strength you didn’t know you had.

You have had to love more fiercely and protectively than you thought was possible.

You have had to become more compassionate and understanding.

You have had to develop resilience and perseverance.

You have had to become an advocate for your child.

You have had to become the best mum for YOUR child – which is a very different mother to others.

And you know what? You have. You get him. You know him. You see him.

You ARE helping him.

So I want you to know, like really, really KNOW that you are doing great, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.

You are not failing

I feel like slapping those smug mothers who quietly believe the reason their child is SO good or easy and yours isn’t, is because of their parenting.

Sometimes it’s not about parenting.

More often it’s about our kids, their personalities and the difficulties THEY face navigating life. It’s not something we are or aren’t doing as mums.

We are not failing. We just have it harder than others, in one way. Just like others have it harder than us in another.

It’s the cards you’ve been dealt

Even the most loving mum can have a challenging child. If I had two easy kids, instead of one harder than the other, I would have had more!

Easy kids are easy. Or easier, I should say (no child is easy!)

But little ones like our ‘not-so-easy-one’ require more from us. More attention. More patience. More energy. More understanding.

And sometimes, more love, too. But thankfully, that’s the one thing we have in spades.

People are ignorant

I know others don’t get your daily battles. I know they don’t see your tears, heartache or feel your worry.

They can’t.

They are ignorant in the same way we were before having kids of our own.

You can’t know what you don’t know.

Which leads me to …

Stay strong, stay loving

So my dear fellow mum who feels this might be for her, chin up.

Stay strong.

Stay loving.

You are doing great, even though you do have it tougher than other mums (in one way). But you are SO not failing.

Not at all.

In fact, you are starring.

And if you know a mum who is also in the same or similar boat as you, pass this message on.

We all need to hear it.

This post originally appeared on Babyology