Parenting comes loaded with questions. There's grown-up ones, like ‘Will I ever sleep again?’, 'What the hell am I doing?' and ‘Where's the wine?’
Then there's the ones we ask the children. ALL. THE. TIME. Every hour of every day.
We know they haunt you too so here’s the Top 10 questions we hate to ask. Consider this group therapy, and know that we hear you even when your kids don’t.
10. Why is this wet?
Let’s face it, the news is never good, is it?
9. Do I look like your slave?
"Yes servant, you do. Now empty my pants and get me bot-bot!"
8. Is that chocolate or poo?
Do you even want to know? One is human turds, the other is wasted chocolate – both are tragic stories. Also, never taste test. Ever.
7. Why don’t you play with your toys?
Instead of our phones, keys, TV remote, wallet, make-up, jewellery drawer, knife block.
6. Didn’t you just eat?
Because kids are hungry, bottomless beasts - except when dinner’s served.
5. Do you need to go the toilet?
Or should we wait ‘til the shopping centre / freeway / swimming lesson / wedding ceremony?
4. Where is / are your _______?
Please choose one: Shoes, clothes, water bottle, hat, socks, manners, sister, brother, father, mother, dummy, toys.
3. Why aren't you listening to me?!
Ironically, don’t expect them to hear this. Also see: What did I just say?
2. What smells?
Hint: it’s never just-baked muffins or freshly brewed coffee.
1. Why are you awake?
This is the worse. Because it means you're awake too. Heard frequently on high rotation through the night at our house. Sigh.
- Why are you naked?
- Why is your brother/ sister crying?
- Have you wiped?
- What’s in your mouth?
- What were you thinking?
Olivia White's take on kids' TV shows will make you LOL
Capturing all our feels after one too many re-runs...
Australia’s most popular baby names revealed!
The research is out, who’s taken the top spot?
Mum’s hilarious guide to housework is the best
"Do a smell check for urine in the bathroom" and other handy tips.
Dad hilariously recounts daughter’s epic nappy disaster
Warning: this story is not for the faint-hearted.
This childcare mum parody video is the funniest
Laugh out loud at 'Mrs Trish' in action.
Watch Hamish & Andy's hilarious Parent Fantasy Hotline video
Andy lives out every parent's fantasy - a spontaneous, commitment-free weekend and a big sleep-in.
Photobombed! 13 hilarious baby photo fails
These pics give 'baby shower' a whole new meaning!
The hilarious trick that will catch if your kid is lying to you
Caught red-handed! Or is it red-eared?